Congratulations to my dear friend and old college roommate Nicole.
Nicole and her boyfriend Tim have been dating since 2003 and on Christmas day, 2012, he popped the question. Like myself and my husband, Tim and Nicole lived together in a house they purchased four years ago with their two dogs Omar and Gunner. A lot of FINALLYs were posted on their Facebook page.
It’s true now that now in days, my generation of friends (we’re in our late twenties) is living together before marriage. And before we get engaged, every get together with girl friends usually involved an hour bitching how he won’t pop the question.
In my case, I knew there could be no going back after we moved in together. I’d had bad break-ups before, but I’d never lived with any boyfriend before I lived with my future husband. If something went wrong, it would go wrong in a big way. It would not involve a small suitcase of clothes and feminine hygiene products. I’d have to rent a UHaul if we broke up, and that was something that scared me moving in after only two months of dating.
There are good arguments for both sides. For one, it gets the awkward pooping while the other is brushing their teeth out of the way. Some say that living together before marriage can lead to lower marriage stability and higher marital stress. However, one study revealed that for women, marital instability happened when there was not a commitment to marriage first. I guess that means there needs to be an end goal in sight. I will move in with you, if we plan to be married within such and such time.
But for those of us who tied the knot after living together first, does the relationship really change after the wedding day? Is there still magic to be made past the “I Dos?”
In our case, yes. We lived together for about two and a half years before we got married. Three months after the wedding, we moved out of the space we had shared and into a basement under the small business 5 hours away. I wanted to get married before the move. And I made sure that is what he intended to do. There may have been a bit of nagging, but I am one to believe that if I have a point to make, you’re going to know about it. I don’t beat around bushes or make subliminal messages. If he had been the type to give me the bullshit, “marriage is just a piece of paper and we don’t need that” I would have reconsidered our relationship.
Our relationship, like all relationships, changed after the wedding day. We own a business now. We had to become adults in the post college world. We got a cat, which neither of us ever thought would happen. And now, two and a half years after marriage, we’re expecting our first child.
Because that is one thing some cohabiting couples don’t have before getting married, a kid.
It’s also something that Nicole and Tim are planning to have in the future, so yes, their relationship will change and grow just like their family. Maybe they’ll even get a cat. Even after ten years of dating, four years of living together and two dogs who have a taste for cake flour. Even if they have all the pots and pans and china already.
-If you do cohabitat with a partner, ask for nicer or better items on the registry and phase out of the old college plastic ware.
After 60 + years of marriage, my grandparents’ relationship hasn’t had too many changes recently. They won’t even try the new Tai Chi class at the fitness center because it is at the same time they go grocery shopping. But the magic is still there.
polkadotdog 