Birthday politics

We are not close. Not high school friends, not neighbors, we don’t even go to the same church. (I don’t even go to church)

But online, we’re friends. Facebook, mom group, liking each other’s comments, pictures, reposted funny memes about drinking.  I have met you a handful of times, we’ve joked a few times about extra baby weight, maybe thought about hanging out outside of the mom group, maybe not. 

Then I’m invited to your kid’s birthday party. That’s so sweet you thought of me, and my kid. We’d love to go. I think about what your kid would like, maybe give him something that I bought for my kid, but doesn’t need.  What is the consumer surplus on this?  Should I spend $20 maybe $25. I settle for $20. 

We go to the party.  Give our gift. And never see each other again. 

Until I invite you to my kid’s party.  You rsvp. Then drop out the day of.  You don’t come. No reason why. 

Then I get invited to your second kid’s party. 

I’m not here to complain but I need to emphasize why this is strange and off and why in mom politics, it’s not cool. 

Like I get that shit comes up.  Kid’s get sick. Shit goes down, you need to stay home. But, we aren’t friends and this is why. So let’s stop pretending on Facebook.  Let’s stop throwing out invites to so-so people just because they’re in the moms’ group. Let’s say no.  Because I have better things to waste $20 on. I have other things I could be doing or not doing on a Saturday. 

Just pledge that it’s over. That we don’t have to play this game anymore. I don’t hate you. We’re just not friends. 

So you want to cloth diaper

I started cloth diapering in March 2013 for my then 3 month old son.  My friend had two sons she used cloth on and it seemed like a good idea since we were planing on having more children and disposable diapers were okay, but every single day we had a blow out (where the poop seeps out of the diaper and onto his clothes.)

There is a wealth of resources out there but I went to the diapering store because I needed to touch and feel it before I got in over my head.  I went to a cloth diapering store, this one was named Cutie Poops and Bottoms, to learn more, dragging my husband kicking and screaming because he thought it was a waste of time.  We decided to do a diaper trial, some stores will offer this, a 3 week try-em-out-and-see-if-you-like-em.  We tested Grovia, Bumgenius, MP2, and Thirsties.  They worked great, no more blow outs and they were good quality.  We tested All In Ones (AIOs), Pocket, and Covers with prewraps, but Initially we decided we liked the Thirsties, but as my son grew, I sold them back and purchased mostly pocket BumGenius diapers 4.0.  It cost us $300 for 24 diapers (12 AIOs and 12 Pocket.)  There are cheaper brands out there, and they are still great quality, I narrowed it to the diapers that were in our trial so those are the ones I picked from.

We now own 21 Pocket style diapers * You don’t need as many pocket as you will AIOs, and we wash diapers every third day.

What I didn’t know going into cloth diapering was the amount of extra stuff you’ll need to do it.  I thought laundry detergent and a good washer would cover it.  Then you run into that first diaper stain that doesn’t come out in the wash.

So here is my experience of four months of cloth diapering.  Here’s what I used, what works on stains, and what to expect when you’re expecting to use cloth.

Insert goes through the back. The peepee soaks through the fleece liner and onto the insert.

4.0 BumGenius Pocket Style

BabiesGrow: Your baby will grow.  And the cloth diaper can grow with him/her.  Some diapers have elastic pulls on the inside like oshkosh pants and some diapers have snaps.  The ones I have use snaps. We started out with Thirsties AIOs and ended up selling them because the baby just got too big.  The sales lady insisted that “It was not possible, they go up to 40lbs.”  But if they’re not fitting well, and it’s causing little red marks on his stomach then trust your instincts and try a different brand.

Velcro with snaps

Snap closure with snaps

Velcro is the easiest to put on.  It works like a disposable diaper.  Snaps are a little harder to put on at night, but the baby isn’t able to unsnap them when he gets old enough to learn how to take off his diaper.  Experience-wise we like Velcro for use with baby-sitters and mothers who want to come over and are confused about the whole cloth diapering thing.  I personally like snaps because I get a better closure with them.  My husband has time and time again snapped the baby up too loose and he’s leaked.

Leakage: Cloth diapers are not fool proof.  There will be some leakage and you may have to adjust the snaps to accommodate your growing baby.  First, find out where the leak is occuring.

Up the back-Make sure that there is no fleece liner showing on the diaper’s back side and that the diaper fits snug around waist.

Around the legs-Adjust the snaps (you may just adjust the two snaps on either side of the elastic or all three.)  This may help.  If you’re using another brand you can visit their website and see if it addresses leakage.

In the front-Keep a snug fit.  Don’t turn the child blue, but try to make sure there is little space between the stomach and the diaper.

Smallest setting for BG diapers.

Largest Setting

You can adjust diapers from newborn to potty-training.  BumGenius says it goes up to 35lbs, but your baby will change and grow and get fat then skinny, so you’ll have to go to a big setting to a smaller setting back to a big setting.

PreWash First

Then wash on regular setting on HOT with a 2nd rinse.

How to wash cloth diapers-

You don’t have to boil water, go out back and hand wash each diaper (unless there’s a stain, I’ll get into that later)  Prewash diaper with WARM water, and then use detergent on regular wash cycle with a 2nd rinse.

Drying–

I dry the inserts for pocket diapers on HIGH HEAT and have had no repercussions so far.  If it’s nice out, I’ll hang dry the Liners outside in the sun.  If it’s raining I’ll dry them on LOW HEAT on the delicates cycle.

Detergent–

There are many kinds of cloth diaper friendly detergents out there.  I have found none at my local Target.  Eco-Sprout I found on Amazon but I know others to use Tiny Bubbles and Rock Star cloth diaper detergent.  After pre-washing

For poop stains

POOP STAINS-If you are breastfeeding, you rarely need pretreatment before you put the diapers in the wash.

Once you start feeding solids, they can leave pretty nasty stains on the diapers that are hard to remove in a regular wash.  I found a Youtube video describing the process but have since forgotten where I found it or what it was called.  If you google or youtube cleaning cloth diapers, you’ll run across it.

The way I’ve found to get rid of poo stains is to get a large tub that fits in your sink.  Fill it with HOT water and a small splash of bleach and Dawn dish detergent.  Then agitate until the stains are gone. The bleach has never stained any of the colored diapers, so do not worry about it hurting the fabric.

Another method is to pretreat the solid poo stain as soon as it comes off the butt with an enzyme cleaner such as Bac-Out.  I found this on Amazon, but I have also found it on Diapers.com as well.  Spray generously on the stain and normally you won’t have to do the hot water and bleach method.  Unless the baby bombed his diaper.

Trash cans

Planet Wise Pail Liner

Planet Wise Pail Liner

Trash Cans and Pail Liners:

The first thing you’ll need are a pair of trash cans.  One large, one smaller.  Probably smaller than the one in the picture.  If you have your diaper changing station in your bathroom, you may not need the smaller trash can.

The pail liner goes into the big trash can and can be washed with the diapers.  I bought two of these Planet Wise pail liners from Amazon, so I could replace it when the other was in the wash.

The small trash can holds the poop.  When you start feeding the baby solid foods they poop solids (this might be different if you’re using formula) and you can use a diaper liner, Grovia makes a good one, to catch the poop and either flush or toss into the can.

Grovia Cloth Wipes in a Prince Lionheart Diaper Warmer

Coconut Oil and Tea Tree Oil

I’ve used cloth diapers with disposable wipes.  It works just as well.  If you’re thinking about cloth wipes, here is a method you can use.

Grovia Cloth wipes are pretty awesome.  They come in a pack of 12.  I bought 2 packs.  Though, they don’t all fit into the warmer at once.  You can also create your own wipes using a cut up t-shirt or towel.  I’ve fed mine into a Prince Lionheart diaper warmer so they pop out like regular wipes.  You can find a Youtube video on that as well.

To moisten the wipes you can use plain old good fashioned tap water or add baby wash to it.  I add a TBS Coconut oil and a DROP or two of Tea tree oil.  This is some strong stuff.  DO NOT GO OVERBOARD.

Soak the wipes, squeeze the excess and fold them into the wipe warmer.

There you have it.  I have a picture of everything, except for the Grovia Diaper Liners that can be found on Amazon if you are so inclined to go looking for them.  For those of you expecting and are looking into cloth diapering, it might be best to wait till the baby is a bit bigger like size 1 as the fit might not be as good.  Bum Genius and Thirsties make Premie and newborn diapers, but they’re only good for the month or so that they are tiny.  Good luck finding the right cloth diaper for your baby.

From Miss to Missus: Is there a change after marriage if you already live together?

Congratulations to my dear friend and old college roommate Nicole.

Nicole and her boyfriend Tim have been dating since 2003 and on Christmas day, 2012, he popped the question.  Like myself and my husband, Tim and Nicole lived together in a house they purchased four years ago with their two dogs Omar and Gunner.  A lot of FINALLYs were posted on their Facebook page.

It’s true now that now in days, my generation of friends (we’re in our late twenties) is living together before marriage.  And before we get engaged, every get together with girl friends usually involved an hour bitching how he won’t pop the question.

In my case, I knew there could be no going back after we moved in together.  I’d had bad break-ups before, but I’d never lived with any boyfriend before I lived with my future husband.  If something went wrong, it would go wrong in a big way.  It would not involve a small suitcase of clothes and feminine hygiene products.  I’d have to rent a UHaul if we broke up, and that was something that scared me moving in after only two months of dating.

There are good arguments for both sides.  For one, it gets the awkward pooping while the other is brushing their teeth out of the way.  Some say that living together before marriage can lead to lower marriage stability and higher marital stress.  However, one study revealed that for women, marital instability happened when there was not a commitment to marriage first.  I guess that means there needs to be an end goal in sight.  I will move in with you, if we plan to be married within such and such time.

But for those of us who tied the knot after living together first, does the relationship really change after the wedding day?  Is there still magic to be made past the “I Dos?”

In our case, yes.  We lived together for about two and a half years before we got married.  Three months after the wedding, we moved out of the space we had shared and into a basement under the small business 5 hours away.  I wanted to get married before the move.  And I made sure that is what he intended to do.  There may have been a bit of nagging, but I am one to believe that if I have a point to make, you’re going to know about it.  I don’t beat around bushes or make subliminal messages.  If he had been the type to give me the bullshit, “marriage is just a piece of paper and we don’t need that” I would have reconsidered our relationship.

Our relationship, like all relationships, changed after the wedding day.  We own a business now.  We had to become adults in the post college world.  We got a cat, which neither of us ever thought would happen.  And now, two and a half years after marriage, we’re expecting our first child.

Because that is one thing some cohabiting couples don’t have before getting married, a kid.
It’s also something that Nicole and Tim are planning to have in the future, so yes, their relationship will change and grow just like their family.   Maybe they’ll even get a cat.  Even after ten years of dating, four years of living together and two dogs who have a taste for cake flour.  Even if they have all the pots and pans and china already.

-If you do cohabitat with a partner, ask for nicer or better items on the registry and phase out of the old college plastic ware.

After 60 + years of marriage, my grandparents’ relationship hasn’t had too many changes recently.  They won’t even try the new Tai Chi class at the fitness center because it is at the same time they go grocery shopping.  But the magic is still there.